i can show you just how beautiful complications can be.

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 12:21:26 GMT

i am hurt. i am angry. i am sad. i am miserable. i am beside myself. i am lost. i am lonely. i am confused. i am using my "i" words in hopes of making myself feel even a little better. i am scared. i am broken. i am going to be okay (i am going to believe that is true eventually).

the wonderful world wide web

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 23:53:54 GMT

in these recent weeks i have partaken in a decent if not slightly excessive amount of online shopping. over the course of such time i have found some truly wonderful things on the internet. and then today i found some things that just really creeped me out and have scared me away enough to the point that ill at least save myself some money.

behold....

these are bath soaps in the shape of baby hands. wtf? seriously? i kid not.

this is a candle holder. they say that as the candle melts it provides hair to the bald palette. i think it looks like torture, but hey, we all look at hot wax differently.

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:57:58 GMT

dolphin observations.
scuba certification.
internship.

pretty excited for august and beyond.

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 17:28:15 GMT

hey there delilah parody.
kind of made my day.

hey there vagina: http://www.iklipz.com/MovieDetail.aspx?MovieID=db1b7cf6-f8fd-4fe4-9f7a-3a047d664429

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 22:38:43 GMT

last night was the mika concert. it was so good. so so good. crazy, insane, mildly disturbing, but all-around i looooved it. bubbles, giant balloons, and confetti always make for a good time. and he sounds so amazing live. his voice is so high and out of control, as is he in general on stage. ahhhh so good! lauren and i hung out afterwards cause i heard some people saying he would be coming outside, so we waited and waited, and were entertained by the security guards being very van damme with a woman who was caught taking pictures/video, they even chased her down and got a cop. finally mika came out. so very tall and skinny and attractive. loved his accent and that he was able to speak french with the people in front of us. he was nice and we took pictures and i got an autograph. and basically i was very very happy, even though he signed it love, chad.

thanks laur!!!!!

Sat, 19 May 2007 12:49:26 GMT

2007 got off to a rough start. I can easily say that these past five months have been the hardest of my life. Both in part because of what has happened and the fact that it has been non-stop. There have been so many times where I've felt like someone was kicking me in the stomach, waiting for me to get up just so they could kick me again. Repeat x a lot. It has not been something that I have been very open with to a lot of people, but I think in hopes of moving on, it is important. A break-up, the loss of two grandfathers and three dear family friends, my grandmother rushed to the hospital and spending several weeks in intensive care, towson and their neverending battle against my graduation, my uncle in a hospice, my mom in a car accident, my uncle in a car accident, a health crisis and me just not being able to deal...with anything.

Some things have turned out better than others, and overall, I am doing alright with the rest. I am more grateful for my family and the time I get to spend with them than ever before. I am more grateful for my health than ever before. I am more grateful for the people in my life than ever before, because they are there for me, whether I choose to vent, or keep it all inside.

Yesterday I was offered the marine mammal training internship at the aquarium. I accepted with a scream or yelp of some kind. It has given me hope that the second half of this year holds a lot of promise and I am excited for that. I am determined to make the best of this year and to not let it stay in my memory because of its hardships.

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 17:19:01 GMT

mika is playing at 9:30 club on june 12th.
i am beyond excited.

: )

dont wanna do schoolwork...

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 17:03:15 GMT

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
__________________________________________________________________________

1. What does next year have in store for me?
     where does the good go- tegan and sara

2. What's my love life like?
    box full of sharp objects- the used

3. What do i say when life gets hard?
     the one i love- david gray

4. What do I think when I get up in the morning?
    the bitter end- placebo           heyy dramatic.

5. What song will I dance to at my wedding?
     transmission- stars hide fire

6. What do I want as a career?
    hollywood and vine- matchbook romance       hehe.

7. Your favorite saying?
     dear them- almost tomorrow

8. Favorite place?
    the best happiness money can buy- i can make a mess...

9. What do you think of your parents?
    come clean- h duff         hmmmm.

10. Whats your porn star name?
      promises- the cranberries      hah

11.Where would you go on a first date?
      thin ice- pink floyd

12. Drug of choice?
       poison oak- bright eyes

13. Describe yourself?
      wrong number- the cure

14. What is the thing i like doing most?
      the last lie i told- saves the day

15. The song that best describes my school headmaster?
      gold digger- kanye west        bahahah.

16. What is my state of mind like at the moment?
       adams song- blink 182            not really.

17. How will i die?
      so high- john legend        hahaha.

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 01:46:03 GMT

Post a comment with the word "survey" and...
1: I'll respond with something random about you.
2: I'll challenge you to try something.
3: I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4: I'll tell you something I like about you.
5: I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6: I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7: I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8: If I do this for you, you must post this in your journal.

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 17:44:10 GMT

you know what sucks?
wanting things both ways.
because you cant have it.

hmph.

i dont even know if what i want is what i want.

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 15:45:13 GMT

in a few moments ill be getting a shower after which i will be going to the post office.
so, in roughly one hour, i will no longer be in possession of my internship applications.
it should make me feel relieved, but currently, the thought of it is absolutely terrifying.
i have not really planned my life accordingly for not getting one of them.
so hopefully i get one of them. or i will be pretty fucked. i suck at planning logically.

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 23:34:13 GMT

i have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me lately.
i feel like i have to force myself to do everything. to do anything.
school is feeling like a dead end. im completely unfocused.
i cant make myself do any work.
my parents and brother are in new mexico because my other grandfather died.
ive been laying in bed all day watching bad movies.
i need to finish my internship apps and i just cant.
i need to not be a big blob for ten minutes and i just cant.
what the fuck.
what the hell am i doing with my life.
this is miserable. im miserable.

william preston taylor. 1929-2007.

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 03:31:54 GMT

he was lost unexpectedly and the truth of it has yet to sink in.

i will miss him so much.
his navy tattoos. especially the naked lady on his arm that reminded me of petunia from pete and pete.
the way my grandmom would bicker at him and he brushed it off and you just knew they loved each other.
the dvd they made of him getting lost at the renaissance festival.
how he always swam the whole way across the creek and back and played with us in the water.
his pontoon boat rides. i never got one last summer.
how he was the only person who ever carved a turkey at holidays.
hearing him sing with the chorus of the chesapeake.
and basically everything else.

he is my grandfather and i love him very much.

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 17:47:11 GMT

nah. maybe thats just drunken nights.
een ssim mih healee.
een nook drusen.

it's a brand new year. again.

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 16:33:25 GMT

so. apparently chamillionare is not slang for a rich person. its a rapper. why am i an idiot?

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 00:16:45 GMT

today i got to hang out with a golden lion tamarin.

animals > people.
a lot of the time.

i wish school was over with. im hitting the very depressed,
cant go on part of the semester. less than a month, less than a month....

whoa man

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 22:08:50 GMT

so i just sent an email to mr clary asking if he might consider writing my letter of recommendation for my internships. I really should have started working on this sooner. The apps are due next week. I suck at putting things off. right now im just going to get everything together and pray that he says yes and can rock it out in time. and i think i might stroll over to the ed dept at the aquarium on friday and talk to someone there. marie told me the name of the lady in charge but i forget, ill have to ask again. and i think i might talk to jeff about transferring positions. animals, here i come!

in other news. school sucks. is it my birthday yet? no. im not even thinking that far ahead. one thing at a time. halloween??? roys on friday night for pumpkin carving, seed baking, scary movie fun. his house on sat for the party. make way for the s.o.v.! yeah. gotta put my costume together on sat. yikes.

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 17:51:46 GMT

this is the most amazing thing. i will never give up my dream.

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 17:48:35 GMT

today i did a photoshoot for baltimore magazines bride magazine. for hair.
my picture may or may not end up in it but it doesnt matter cause i had fun.

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 00:57:10 GMT

right now i am very aware of the need to take things one day at a time.
to stop being petty and to appreciate.
to forgive and try to start over.
to love because i want to not because i have to.
and i feel ashamed that it would take this happening for me to do it.

this past weekend more or less summed up in one picture

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 16:13:22 GMT

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 23:11:50 GMT

so from one end of the festival to the other its one mile.
needless to say, going from band to band is somewhat tiring.
doing that all day as well as walking all around chicago has
left me feeling very much like a frail old woman.
but its amazing nonetheless.
i just watched the dresden dolls who were entirely impressive
and im getting ready to go meet madison at the smoking popes show.
just had to stop in here and cool off for a minute since i made the trek to this end of the park.

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 22:55:40 GMT

so im at lollapalooza right now chillin in the figital linge getting a free fan and some ac with mad. things have been great so far. chicago is absolutely amazing. lolla is packed with people. we were third row for cursive this morning. and no one pushes or moshes. fanfreakingtastic. gotta run cant wait to write all about it.

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 01:28:32 GMT

i hate that they love my brother more.
i hate that it's always about him.
i hate that i still let it get to me.

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 22:24:10 GMT

i leave for chicago in two weeks : )